yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
