she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
