Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
