And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize