new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
