We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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