omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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