no, he came in my armpit
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
