Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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