It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
