I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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