its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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