I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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