My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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