you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
