I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
