two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
