Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize