I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
