My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
