Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
