Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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