when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
