Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
