Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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