We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize