you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
