I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
