I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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