Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize