Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
