win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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