It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize