I faked an abortion last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize