I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
