Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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