They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
