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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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