I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
