I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
