Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
