Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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