i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
