At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize