Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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