You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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