Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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