he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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