I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
