Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
