Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
