just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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