best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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