The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
