If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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