I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
