Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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