So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
