I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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