if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
