Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
