I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
