You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
