the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
