ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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