ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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